The struggle is real y’all. Saying no is difficult but necessary. An opportunity came my way the other day and I had to say no, something that’s really hard for me. I was grateful to be approached—it sounded like an amazing project—but I wasn’t quite the right fit. If I took it on, I’d be spending time on that project and pulling time away from my larger life goal of becoming a novelist. I’d be giving up one for the other.

We all have to say no to opportunities sometimes, so we can say yes to something that’s a better fit. If we said yes to everything, we’d have zero time. We’d be overstretched and likely not very good at all the things we’re trying to do.

So while it was painful in the moment, I did it. And here’s how.

First, I talked with my business partner, someone who is excellent at saying no graciously. When she says no, you almost feel like she has said yes. You’re uplifted and hopeful. She’s that good.

She recommended the sandwich approach. It goes like this: thank you so much for thinking of me for this exciting project. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for [insert what you like about the project here] entrepreneurs to learn how to market themselves effectively. I don’t think I’d be the best person to add the value that you’re looking for. OR Unfortunately, I don’t have the capacity to take on another project at this time. However, I think [insert referral] Sarah Jones would be perfect for this project.

You start by expressing what’s so great about the project and your gratitude for being considered. Honestly, it’s flattering that someone reached out for your help with a cool project that they are interested in. So be gracious. They could have considered other people, but they came to you.

After that, you tell the person that you won’t be the best fit. Alternatively, you could say that you don’t have the capability to take on another project at this time. If you go the route of saying you don’t have the capacity right now, you can always leave the door open for them to contact you in the future about said project. Only do this if you really are interested and think you can add value. I’d give a specific timeframe like, “Let’s touch base in May”.

Then you end by giving them the hope of someone who would be a good fit or might have the time right now.

Don’t think of it as saying no as much as saying yes to something else that you are a better fit for or are more dedicated to accomplishing.

And guess what? That’s a good thing. Instead of providing a less than top-notch effort for them, you are being honest about your fit or capacity. Even though it feels difficult in the moment, in the long run, it’s better for both of you. Neither of you is wasting each other’s time. Temporary pain for long-term gain – isn’t that one of the secrets of adulthood?

So, while saying no is a struggle, it’s necessary if you’re going to achieve your life goals.

I’ll be curious to hear what you think of my approach and other strategies you use for saying no.

What works for you?

Photo by Moose Photos